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*To Be A Husband*
To be a husband is not a social role.
It is a spiritual position of responsibility, presence, and partnership.
It is not dominance.
It is not performance.
It is not macho energy.
It is covenant.
Let’s break it down deeply — emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
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1. A Husband Is a Guardian of Safety
A wife does not primarily need your muscles.
She needs your emotional steadiness.
A husband creates a space where:
She feels protected without being controlled
She feels chosen without being owned
She feels safe expressing her inner world
Strength is not loudness.
Strength is calmness under pressure.
When you walk into a room, does anxiety rise — or settle?
That’s husband energy.
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2. A Husband Is a Builder
In Torah, marriage is called a bayit — a home.
Not a romance. A structure.
A husband builds:
Emotional security
Financial responsibility
Moral direction
Spiritual atmosphere
He thinks long-term.
He sacrifices short-term ego for long-term harmony.
He asks:
> “What does this decision do to our future?”
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3. A Husband Is a Listener
You once asked how it feels to a wife when her husband listens.
To be a husband means:
When she speaks, you don’t fix.
You don’t correct.
You don’t defend.
You receive.
When she feels heard, she feels held.
A woman who feels deeply heard becomes softer, more open, more alive.
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4. A Husband Is a Partner — Not a Competitor
Modern men sometimes unconsciously compete with their wives:
Who works harder
Who sacrifices more
Who is right
A husband understands:
> Her success is not your diminishment.
Kabbalah teaches that blessing flows to a man through his wife.
Not around her.
If she feels valued, the house fills with light.
If she feels diminished, the light constricts.
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5. A Husband Is a Leader — But Not a Tyrant
Leadership in marriage means:
Taking initiative
Setting tone
Owning mistakes first
Apologizing without ego
Being the emotional thermostat
If she is upset, you do not escalate.
You regulate.
A husband says internally:
> “Her nervous system can relax because I am steady.”
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6. A Husband Is a Lover of Her Soul
Physical intimacy is important.
But deeper than that:
Do you know her fears?
Her childhood wounds?
Her private dreams?
Her insecurities she never says out loud?
To be a husband is to become a student of her inner world.
Not once.
For life.
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7. From a Chassidic Lens
In Chassidus, husband and wife reflect the relationship between:
G-d and the Jewish people
Mashpia and Mekabel (giver and receiver)
Heaven and Earth
But here is the secret:
The “giver” only gives if the “receiver” is open.
And the receiver opens when she feels safe and valued.
Which means the husband’s greatness is measured not by how strong he looks —
but by how much she blossoms around him.
If she grows, you are succeeding.
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8. What It Is Not
It is not:
Being right all the time
Being stoic and emotionally unavailable
Avoiding vulnerability
Being the loudest voice
Real masculine maturity is quiet confidence.
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9. The Core Definition
To be a husband is:
To take responsibility for the emotional climate.
To protect without suffocating.
To lead without overpowering.
To listen without fixing.
To love without ego.
It is to say every day:
> “Your wellbeing is my sacred responsibility.”
Not because she is weak.
But because covenant means:
We are stronger together than apart.
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The difference between a wise person and a fool is not in intelligence – it’s how long it takes to learn the same lesson.
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The one thing we can never return is time
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There’s a great truth in this world. And that is, we are completely functioning, both on a human and Divine plan
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Life is a paradox. On one hand, we must have an ego, a pride in ourselves, (depression is a shame in oneself). On the other hand, we must be humble, consider others greater than us. So, as everything in truth / Chassidus, it boils down to what’s called Avodah / Hisboinanus, contemplations that lead us to the right mindset.
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So the story of life is that we all have an ego, a sense of pride in ourselves, but the ego, if not accompanied by humility, a sense that others are even greater than me, as Moses was the greatest prophet, but also the humblest man, because he believed that if you had been given by G-d, the gifts that he had, you would have done a better job.
And so instead of working in the world through frustration, born of expectations, based on perception of being great and therefore expecting, we need to be like Moses – humble, and see ourselves as gifted by G-d, and obligated to share.
Kabbalah Wisdom
Spread Light – Forward the Inspiration!!! Dedicated by Avraham and Yehudit Chana Oh
