Discovering You

Awareness, Instincts, Role Modeling

Freud speaks about awareness (ego) id (instincts), and role models (as he calls it Ego-Ideal. I think the ego is a bad translation for what Freud means to say as we usually think of ego as an egotistical person or a person with an inflated ego. Freud means by ego our ability to perceive ourselves – awareness and ego-ideal who we want to be i.e. our inner role-model.)

Awareness

An animal does not have awareness only instincts. Awareness is what makes us unique as we can control our instincts.

Self Control

The most important factor in success is our ability to control our instincts. In a revolutionary study kindergarten children were given an option of eating one marshmallow now or two in ten minutes. Only a few had the full self control to wait the ten minutes for the two marshmallows. These children were more successful than their peers throughout their school “careers”. They exceeded their peers in relationships, grades, and more. We see from this that self-control is the hallmark of success.

Awareness leads to Self Control

I believe awareness of self is fundamental for self-control and thus this book will treat you to a comprehensive knowledge of you.

Role Modeling

Role modeling is very very important. Role modeling is the automatic regulator of our instincts. Awareness is like the video camera that can watch everything around it. Role modeling tries to focus the camera in one way and the instincts (id) try to focus the camera in another way, each trying to see and then do that which will make it happy. Let’s use an example of a young boy. He probably admires his father and sees his father as a powerful and successful figure thus he wants to be like his father. For role modeling to take place eight factors are necessary. 1)      The person must be able to someday be like the person they idealize. 2)      The person must have a benefit from the person they idealize. 3)      People must give respect to the person they idealize. 4)      The person must believe that if they behave in a similar fashion to the person they idealize they will be loved by that person and by osmoses by themselves. 5)      The person they idealize must be successful in their estimation. 6)      The person they idealize must have achieved success on their “own two feet.” 7)      The goals of the person they idealize are similar to their goals. 8)   The person they idealize is in control of their own environment. These eight things constitute the “ideal person”. We want to love ourselves so we all act in the way that will be similar to our role model. The role modeling is very similar to the superman concept. Superman is a giver (helps all people,) he is respected by everyone, he has certain values which can be emulated (helping people,) he is certainly successful, he makes is own success, and he is in control of his own environment. This is very similar to how we perceive our father or boss. We want to be our role model so we strive to act in the manner most similar to our role model. If we don’t, our role model (the section in our brain that has come up with the role model that will be most beneficial for us) berates us, “How come you are acting stupidly?!” “How come you are such a fool?!” The list of curses, are endless. The role modeling is not limited to one person (father) it is a composite (father, boss, good friend etc.) Many children idealize movie stars. The stars are so powerful in the movies. They are successful, rich, respected, often a savior of some sorts. Obviously boys will identify with males as they are males, and girls with females although it is possible to idealize a member of the opposite sex such as a female boss. Let’s look at another example. I will take a young Jewish Israeli. This refers to two most important factors. Religion and Nationality. (As an American, I often don’t feel American however when I leave America my identity becomes stronger. Israelis outside of Israel consistently become aware of their faith more so than in Israel as the lack of constant security causes one’s identity to come to the fore.) Our young boy is a religious Israeli; as such he is probably proud to be a Jew and proud to be an Israeli. (Interestingly enough Daniel Pearl who was shot by Muslim fundamentalists was forced to say a speech denunciating America. In his last words he said, “My grandfather was a founder of Bnei Brak (a city in Israel) and there is a street named after him.” His wife said that this was his personal message, as his captors could never have known this information. A friend of mine was very inspired after reading these words as he felt that in the very end of Daniel’s life, his very last statement to the world was that his proudest part of his identity was that he was Israeli and Jewish. Here we see how identity flourishes under duress for then we are forced to choose.) As a religious Jew I often see people look at me and then re-evaluate their own identity. My personal identity which is evident from my Yarmulkah (small head covering) and beard jolt people into searching for their own identity. I was once walking through Central Park and as I was walking for quite some time I sat down to rest on a bench next to a little girl of about five and her mother.  The little girl looked at me and then turned to her Mom and asked her Mom, “Mom what are we?” Mom ignored the question. “Mom are we Jewish?”  Mom replied, “Daddy is Jewish, Mommy is Christian.” The honesty of the little girl was apparent. My clear identity made her question her own. Mom was little less comfortable but did reply in the end. Getting back to our proud Israeli religious boy I can practically predict most of his life. As an Israeli he will probably go to the army, as a religious Jew he will probably study Torah (the Bible and its commentaries), perform the Mitzvos (the good deeds as mandated by the Bible). Of course, I can’t predict who he will marry or what work he will choose, but I can predict that his allegiances to his country and faith will be strong enough to influence both these decisions decisively. His children will probably do the same and so it will go on ad infinitum unless there is a break in role modeling.

Changes

Changes occur when new role models take the place of old ones. If his child decides to become a movie star and idolizes Harrison Ford, he may reject his country and religion in favor of adopting Harrison Ford’s ideals of Hollywood fame. The clash between cultures boils down to role modeling clashing. Every traditional culture and religion has had to contend with the “overthrow” of religion by many in modern times. Cultures that lacked good role models lost their youth. In the Jewish faith, great Rabbis like the saintly Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneersohn of blessed memory, literally encouraged millions of Jews to come closer to their heritage through his powerful dedication, inspiration, and care for his flock. I recall discussing with Lazer Medalie from Johannesburg South Africa – a Rabbi and a great father – about educating children. He told me that when he was in Rabbinical College, one of his colleagues – a father of a five-year old boy – related how the day before he stepped out of the shower, put on a robe, and held his towel over his shoulder on his forefinger. The next day his little boy getting out of his own bath made sure to hold his towel over his shoulder on his own little forefinger. Freud points out that role modeling is not static. Many people have a role model that combines the ideals of a few role models. Furthermore this changes with time as the people we meet change and our tastes and values change. This is what I refer to as the P-H-A-S-E-S of role modeling.

Worldview

Freud teaches about worldview. Worldview means that every individual has a unique way in which they view the world. At the epicenter of the worldview is one’s role modeling. So if my ideal is to become a Rabbi, then all actions that lead me away from this ideal are bad. The wise Jewish sages state that just as people’s faces are dissimilar, so to their worldviews are dissimilar. Mom, for me, might be this perfect lady but for someone else she might be an awful witch. Dad can be the ideal guy or an awful person. Think of how many words we have to describe things. Dog, car, plane, etc. Every word carries with it an emotion. For me dog may mean – great source of joy; for you dog may mean – great source of fear. I remember how one of my siblings went hysterical upon seeing a mouse. I just couldn’t understand her reaction until my mother said, “Imagine you just saw a lion.” Around the epicenter of the worldview lie millions of beliefs relating to the world. We have taken these beliefs primarily from our experiences. One study teaches that 99% of what we know is from observation. That means all your years in school constitutes only 1% of your knowledge. A little child picks up all kinds of things and tastes them. Years of trial and error have taught each and every one of us what is good and what is bad. What is unique about the worldview is that because it is the role model therefore what may be unpleasant can also be good and what may be pleasurable can also be bad. Most people don’t like to study, but if in order to become a Rabbi, Doctor, or Lawyer etc., which may be my role model I need to study, then studying becomes good while having pleasurable lazy days becomes bad. As a child we inculcate that if we do good, we will be rewarded, if we do bad then we will be punished. This is why our role modeling admonishes us so much as it does not want us to be punished. Our role modeling unfortunately also has the capacity to do us much harm. For as it can merely equate behavior with role models (e.g. study = Rabbi, Doctor, Lawyer etc.) it therefore takes no extraneous factors into account. If a person feels overwhelmed the role modeling does not give up, in fact it can get harsher and harsher which often leads to depression and in extreme cases suicide. The role modeling is the internalization of the parents’ criticism of the young child. “Don’t do this,” “Do this” etc. Our mind is effectively a mathematical machine. It easily recognizes if our behavior is congruent with our ideal.

Instincts

G-d regulated our instincts in a very simple way. Instincts help us survive. So those things that I fear which are those things that give me pain are not healthy or not good for my survival while those things that I enjoy, those things that give me pleasure, are healthy and beneficial. Lab mice were given a button to press that would have an opiate effect on the brain, which they did to the point right before death. The problem with the pain and pleasure system is when humans get a hold of opiates and drugs that give them pleasure yet kill them at the same time. The problem with narcotics is that they feel pleasurable however they are anti-survival so in effect we are fooling our instinctual system as all addicts eventually get to the point where the narcotics become a source of great misery. So our instinctual drive for pleasure can come in the way of a logical drive for stability and health, which is why so many people are overweight etc.

Choosing Role Models

Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov teaches that where a person’s desires are there they are; they are there completely. In other words a person effectively is a neutral blank sheet. As they grow they have instinctual desires. If their desires are solely for their instincts, say for tasty foods, then they are effectively tasty foods, for that comprises their inner drive and who they really are. If they consciously desire world peace, then despite the fact that they eat tasty foods they are primarily into world peace, which makes them a completely peace-focused individual. Now, obviously our soul has higher desires than tasty food etc. It is from our soul that we desire world peace – that no one should be hungry, and goodness and kindness should be the world order. This is why it is very very important that we consciously choose our role models. I belong to the Chabad movement. My mentor and teacher was the great Rabbi Schneershon who won a congressional medal of honor in recognition of his work for education and humanity. (In fact he was the only religious leader ever to win this unique congressional honor bestowed only on about one hundred Americans since the founding of the U.S.A.) It would take me many books to describe his greatness, love for humanity, and the things that he has achieved. However, because he is my role model thus I immediately incorporate many of the things that he desired into my desire, such as teaching all Jews about their beautiful and wise heritage. Teaching humanity how to live in harmony and how to lead fulfilled lives through goodness and kindness. Really desiring for the Moshiach (messiah) to come etc. So choosing your role model (as opposed to subconsciously having it chosen for you through observation of others) is really important.

Choosing G-d as Role Model

The main role model we need to choose is actually G-d. G-d is a real enigma. Religion has sort of given G-d a bad name. The reason for this is that to most of us religion seems to be dogma, lacking intelligence. Indeed, many religions are just that. They are nonsensical dogma and when put under the slightest bit of logical scrutiny they fall short of making any coherent sense, never mind even being a world order based on goodness and kindness. They seem to simply be advocating the greatness of the founder of the religion and are focused on getting everyone to believe in him, which is basically what cult leaders do and then they throw in some kind of previous religious ideas to give themselves legitimacy. I don’t want to nock religions however religion has turned many people away from G-d. True religion is not dogma it is doing what G-d wants. And no man, even the smartest, can ever figure out what G-d wants because G-d is infinite and man is finite and the difference between infinity and what is finite is infinite. So man’s limited intelligence can never comprehend G-d’s reasons and purpose in creation and only G-d’s direct explanation through the Jewish prophets (whose veracity was proven through consistently accurate prophecies and never once being wrong and was written) in the Bible (the old testament to us) can. Unlike most religions Judaism does not preach that G-d wants to be served rather Judaism teaches that G-d wants goodness and kindness to prevail. Everything that we do is in order to make us kinder better people. A gentile once came to one of the greatest Jewish scholars ever, named Hillel, and asked him for the basis of Judaism, to which Hillel replied “that which you do not want others to do to you, do not do to them, and the rest of Judaism (the Bible and all its commentaries) is merely an amplification of this sacred principle.” Instead of seeing G-d as a despotic king who desires power (which is what most human kings desire) G-d is a loving father and mother who only does goodness and kindness to us. Just as a father and mother educate their children to be good people so too, G-d educates us (primarily through the good deeds mentioned in the Bible like loving your fellow man, forgiving people, not to get angry etc.) If G-d were to allow us to do whatever we wanted, tyrants like Hitler would eventually rule the world so every once in a while, G-d does create cataclysmic events to remind us that life is not a trip to Disneyland rather an exercise of goodness and kindness. The most important thing to G-d, is that his children love each other and treat each other very well. (For those of you who know a bit of the Bible, the question can be asked how come G-d sent a flood to destroy humanity when they were killing one another and when humanity got together to go against G-d in the Tower of Babel, G-d merely confused and separated them. The mystics explain that when they were going against G-d they were actually united and thus G-d who loved seeing his children united, merely separated them from the disastrous course they were on.) G-d is a giver. We often are so busy counting our curses that we forget to count our blessings. Make an honest accounting of your life. Ask yourself, if I were to list all the things that I have and I would miss not having around and if I were to list all the things that I feel are lacking in my life, which list would be greater. Just to give you an example I will make this list now for myself so you get an idea how to do it.

Things that I would miss if I lost them
Things that I want but I do not have now
Eyes
More money
Ears 
Nose
Heart
Legs  
Stomach
Brain
Mouth
Mom
Dad
Wife
Kids
Sunshine
Electricity
Money
Home
All kinds of food
Water
Internal Body Heat
Laughter
Joy
Love 
My Mentors Teachings
Judaism
The Jewish festivals
My Synagogue
My teaching ability 
Stability
America
Israel
Democracy
If you will honestly make a list of things that you already have you will realize that you have so much more than what you want, it is merely that you take all things for granted which is why you do not have joy from them.
The main point of this exercise is to emulate G-d. Most of the things mentioned that I have and that you have are “free gratis and for nothing”, your body, air, electricity, water, (are for free or very affordable) without these things we couldn’t live. So the key thing to remember is that G-d has given you these things, making G-d into the greatest giver of all times. Nobody has ever given a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of what G-d constantly gives everyone. So to be like G-d, become a giver and your life will be filled with purpose, meaning, and happiness.

Thoughts

We communicate with ourselves all the time. This is called thought. Had G-d not given us the ability to think then our information which has been gathered over so many tens of thousands if not millions of experiences could not influence our behavior. Thought uses letters. It is very similar to speech. A combination of letters be they Hebrew English or Spanish form words that have an emotional meaning to us. Every thought is the result of an emotion. I want to become a Rabbi / Lawyer / Doctor thus I think of which school I should enroll in etc. If I had no desire to become a Rabbi / Lawyer / Doctor I would never give this concept any thought at all. 
All thoughts first are feelings and then become thoughts. 
Freud points out we have subconscious, pre-conscious, and conscious thoughts. You are only aware of your conscious thoughts however you have conscious and pre-conscious thoughts. Those which have the greatest degree of emotion attached to them penetrate the filter of pre-conscious to become conscious thoughts. 

Speech

Verbal communication is a uniquely human gift. G-d gave us this ability so we can articulate our desires to others. If we live on an island we do not really need to speak. Speech is how a parent or boss gets things done. “Please get dressed” “please prepare this report.” The words we say to others are exceptionally important. 
Please will make the difference between a person feeling loved or hated. 

Action

We act with our hands and our feet. The wise Jewish sages coined the phrase “Where the heart wishes to go the feet follow.” Our actions are a direct result of our desires. No one jumps into a freezing cold shower (unless for a specific purpose.) 

Instincts

Instinct is the most powerful motivator of human behavior. Before the role model was born in ones imagination instincts were in full force. Even in the womb the little baby has preferences of tastes. 
Instinct is biochemical and works on the simple principle that pleasure is great, pain is terrible. 
No one wants pain and everyone wants pleasure (there are certain aberrations to this but they are what we call psychologically abnormal people.)
This instinct is not external it is internal. From the day you were born you had the pain pleasure idea wired into your brain.
Mice given a button that stimulates the pleasure chemicals in their brains would press this button until the point before death.
People often do the same. They seek pleasure until the stronger instinct of self preservation kicks in. 

The Internal War

Freud speaks of the war between the role modeling and the instincts. 
Instincts constantly drive you towards pleasure – taste, nice music, intellectual stimulation, and the like.
Role modeling cares nothing but for fulfilling its ideal to - become a Rabbi, Doctor, Lawyer, etc.
Herein lies the perpetual conflict that humans are forced to endure. 
Awareness i.e. the ability to perceive reality is often in conflict with what we want reality to be in order fulfill our Role Modeling or our Instincts. Freud maintains that people need to leave what he calls the pleasure principle (the instinctual drive) for the reality principle. A person can only do what is pleasurable but then they will never grow up and mature. In fact maturity is accepting reality (the reality principle – awareness) above what we want reality to be and working with it for our goals instead of against it.

Happiness and Role Modeling

If at the center of our worldview is our role modeling then what our role model demands of us is critical to our happiness. 
Happiness is found when ones thoughts speech and activities are in harmony with ones role modeling.
If our role modeling is unrealistic then we will never be happy however if we have a realistic role modeling then we can be happy when we fulfill and maintain our ideal. 
I was a chaplain in the boy scouts of America and served at the H. Roe Bartle scouting Reservation for many years. 
There amongst the pine trees and boy scouts tents many a philosophical conversation was had. One of the directors of Hallmark Greeting Cards told me of a motivational speaker he heard at the company’s invitation. The speaker said to identify ones goals. This gentleman did just that and he worked hard towards them and achieved each one of them in a few years time. I could literally see the self pride and joy in this individual.

Realistic Goals

Realistic goals are crucial to happiness.

Love

I believe that even more crucial is making G-d (not the harsh demanding thing people think G-d is rather a spirit of goodness and kindness compassion and mercy) at the center of one’s Role Modeling. 
As the brilliant King Solomon wrote in his masterpiece named Proverbs “better a meal of greens where there is love then a fatted ox where there is hatred.” Our greatest joy is in loving and being loved and all the instinctual pleasures such as good food and even drugs do not come close to the joy of love.
When a person tries to emulate G-d – goodness and kindness compassion and mercy they will become loved by all who know them. This in turn will give them the greatest joy they have ever experienced.
Freud brilliantly points out that real happiness is not when we are jumping up and down a feeling of exuberance rather it is a feeling of self pride that brings us contentment and internal joy.

Choosing the right Role Models

Freud points out that although people universally admire saintly people (like Mother Theresa) for their kindness and compassion nevertheless they don’t always emulate this behavior.
The reason is that to emulate their behavior would mean to completely change ones worldview. If a person’s role model is Mother Therese as many of her disciples had chosen her as a role model then it is easy to follow her example of caring for the less fortunate; However if a person idealizes their self-serving egotistical boss then obviously their behavior will be different.
For this reason it is absolutely vital to choose warm and compassionate role models. If our role models are not the people we truly admire then we will be emulating bad behavior.

Meaning in Life

I think people are beginning to realize that harmony is greater than power, unity more pleasurable than might, love stronger than hate.
We have grown up in generation of plenty. Thank G-d most of us have never starved. To us having food on the table is almost a given. We are craving a more meaningful existence.

Choosing the right Friends

This can only be found if we realize that we are constantly being influence by the people around us. If we watch television all day then they become our role models. If we are working in an office those people become our role models. No one has the ability not to be influenced by who they acquaint themselves with. 
For this reason it is of the utmost importance to befriend the kind of person you want to be. Work very hard at finding that person and work harder still at befriending and emulating that person. 
Even if you cannot find anyone then choose a positive compassionate role model, be it Biblical or modern, and try to be like your new role model.
This does not mean to go on a crusade rather to emulate a good persons behavior. 
People are influenced by what they observe other people doing. If you become a good person then others will certainly be emulating you. 

Chapter 2 

The Four Main Instincts

There are four main things that we are innately attracted to.
  1. Power/ Recognition
  2. Fun/ Entertainment
  3. Laziness / Relaxation
  4. Pleasure i.e. good food drugs etc.
We also don’t want to 1. Pain 2. To overwork 3. To be bored 4. To be unnoticed.
Instincts are automatic processes. 
They are embedded in our subconscious.
When we see a bee we will have fear. The natural reaction of fear is to flee that which gives us fear. (When’s the last time you tried to pick up a bee?)
When we see a can of coke (if we enjoy coke) we become like Pavlov’s dog. We instinctively desire it. 

Instinctual Love

This instinctive desire is called love. Love is an attraction to that which will give us pleasure or joy.
Love these days is often used to mean sexual but in the tradition of the Kabbalah and also in common English Love means – I am attracted to the object of my love – be it coke or a promotion. Of course the power of sexual attraction is so great that it is something that people really love. This of course is necessary for the survival of all species. So when we refer to love here it means desire not sexual love. 

Perception

The great movie hits Matrix and Matrix Reloaded have clarified to everyone how perception is reality.
For a child growing up in a loving home mom and dad mean love. For a child growing up in a tortured home mom and dad may mean hurt.
Which child is right? They both are. Of course depending on your own experiences your definition will be closer to one or the other. 
I remember when I told my friends in boy scouts that I was engaged. The married men all made jokes like “the noose is tightening etc.” and the divorce guys looked at me with horror.
Of course the married guys were joking for when I asked the guy who said “the noose is tightening” for marital advice he told me “marriage is always having your best friend next to you.”
So all of us relate all experiences to what we have personally experienced.

Reality

Reality is thus individualistic.
Our mind catalogues and remembers all of our experiences. In fact every cell contains a complete memory of every single experiences you ever had. 
An experiment was done on a fish worm that when cut in half would grow a tail and a head from the cut parts. A light was placed in the aquarium and flashed prior to a small electrical current being passed through the water. The fish worm learnt to squirm when the light came on even before the electrical current was passed through the water (Pavlov’s dog.)
What is absolutely amazing is that when the fish worm was cut in half the tail remembered this. Then the tail (with the new head) was cut in half (again) and the new fish worm remembered (albeit slightly delayed) the fear that it felt when a light was turned on. So cellular memory is real.
How much more so brain memory which stores each and every experience that we have.

The Senses

Our brains receive information primarily via our senses.
Taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. This relays information from our brains into our conscious and then we promptly “forget” the unimportant information. 

Importance

What is important “YOU JUST WON THE LOTTO” never escapes our conscious mind.

The Internal Senses

We also receive information internally,
Our memory of coke (flashback) will prompt us to seek out a coke. Memory of loved ones attract us to them.
Of course our Role Modeling constantly prompts us in the direction it craves.

The Conscious Mind

The conscious thus receives signals from two directions, externally (the world around it) and internally (instinctual desires and Role Modeling.)

Awareness

One of the most important factors to success, is to be aware of your conscious thoughts. I.e. to be aware of the signals. 
Imagine the radio is playing in the background while you are focusing on a paper. You probably don’t realize that although you aren’t listing if something really important to you is mentioned, like your name, you would put down the paper and focus on the radio.
This is how most of us live life, we only accept signals that are important to us. The down side of this system is that we are not really choosing our destiny rather it is being chosen for us. 
If we only listen when our name is mentioned then it takes our name to be mentioned in order for us to listen. 
In other words we are busy waiting for someone else to mention our names. Of course they are waiting for you to mention their names and so the waiting game goes. 

Successful People

Successful people actively engage the world.
As a Rabbi I come across many successful businessmen and I once thought “what is the similarity between all these successful people” the answer that I discovered is Awareness.
They walk around focused and aware of what is going on around them. They choose their responses.
If we are in the waiting game we walk around in hope. We hope someone will recognize us. We hope someone will cherish us. We hope we will score that great job. 

Reacting Vs. Acting

Another important reason for becoming aware of your conscious thoughts is because your emotions of fear and love are the dominating factor of your thoughts. Your subconscious will push forward to preconscious and then to your conscious the thoughts that you fear most and love / desire most.
So if fear and love dominate your thoughts then without being aware of what you fear and what you love you are compelled to react instinctively. This works only insofar as self preservation is concerned however as far as achieving success and your goals it is a terrible operating system. 
The reason for this is because your instincts are programmed to the pain pleasure feelings and in order to achieve your dreams you must be willing to sacrifice either some instinctual pleasure and possibly endure pain (long hours etc.).
Without knowing the motive behind your thoughts; with only reacting, you become a prisoner to your instincts. 

Devil and G-d

Jewish Mysticism teaches us that G-d gives us two angels which translates into two subconscious desires one for the good and one for the bad.
This is easily recognizable for whenever we wish to do something good another thought comes into us not to do it or to do a different good thing instead (with the end result that we don’t do both good things.)
It is fundamentally important to be aware of this for if our objective is to be good then we must know that our internal challenges not to do good are only tests but not reality. 
This idea of two subconscious desires one for good and one for bad is the essence of the human struggle within oneself.

The Secret Code To Happiness

I once wrote an article that the secret to happiness is in the following code 3+3=1
The Mystics talk of us as being a composite of 1. The Animal Soul (thus called because as it is similar to an animal focused completely on instincts.)  2. The intellectual soul (i.e. the mind) as it is focused on experiences, memory associations, and comparisons which is mainly an intellectual exercise. 3. The desire for goodness and compassion, mercy and humility which is The G-dly Soul that resides in our subconscious. 
In chapter 1 we discussed – thought – speech – and actions. When we use our (2) minds and our (1) animal soul which incorporates our energy and ability to speak and do things on behalf of our (3) G-dly soul then we have 3 souls + 3 powers – thought –speech and activities working in harmony.
To do this we need to decide what is good. What would you like for there to be written on you tombstone? How would we like our loved ones to remember us? Then we should work towards those ideals.

Creating New Goals

The ability to create a new goal is termed in the mystical tradition Daas.
I believe Daas to be the hallmark of highly successful people. 
Daas is focusing on a goal to the extent that it becomes a desire. We all have many ideas but few that we act upon for we do not focus on them long enough to create a subconscious desire out of them.
I worked as a Rabbi in a small community which is mostly non religious. For this reason I needed to be inventive as to how I could encourage people to become more religious. 
Of course this must be done in a gentle manner and non judgmentally. Thankfully I helped many people appreciate their beautiful heritage and tradition.
I am always thinking of how to reach people who have not been reached yet.
As I have a creative mind I am capable of coming up with many great ideas. The focusing on the particular one until it becomes a passion is the key to success in my field and for every person who has a goal.
There are many methods in which to achieve money or recognition. A person chooses the method that they focus on most not necessarily the best method.

Ask An Expert

For this reason it is always a very good idea to ask a friendly expert for advice. If a person wishes to make money they will focus on the method that is most appealing to them. By asking a business friend for advice they can get a fresh perspective and an unbiased opinion. 

Chapter 3
 
The benefits of Trusting in G-d.

An atheist once approached a Rabbi “Rabbi I don’t believe in G-d.” “In the G-d that you don’t believe in I don’t believe in either.” Many people have a misconception of who G-d is. 
As a teacher in a Jewish day school with children from non religious homes I recognized that they did not appreciate G-d. So instead of praying which was pretty much meaningless to these youngsters I asked them to each thank G-d for one thing. Every child found one thing be it family, health, being saved from dying, to thank G-d.
There are millions of things we can thank G-d for. Life, air, water, our loved ones, being saved from illness or death and the list is endless.
A friend of mine recently went to Harvard to attend a Masters course in business administration. This course is designed for professionals who have created companies of their own, mostly highly successful companies to further their business knowledge. One of the professors made an impact on my friend so my friend decided to go a little deeper into the purpose of why they are all making so much money. “In your opinion professor what’s it all about?” and the professor answered “gratitude.”
If we focus on what we don’t have we will never be happy however if we humbly accept that what we do have is a gift from G-d and furthermore G-d will not abandon us then we can live truly happy lives.
A friend of mine is a real estate agent in a small town where it often hard to make a living. Does he get all stressed out, does he fret and worry? No; Let me tell you why. Every morning he gets up to pray and the final three sentences of his prayer (in the Jewish service) he says “I (G-d) made you and I will sustain you.” And this knowledge keeps him going during difficult times. Also he is sure to thank G-d when business comes in.

Chapter 4

Practically speaking what will bring down G-d’s blessing to me?

There are 74 principles which bring down G-d’s blessings.
  1. Honesty
  2. Kindness
  3. Mercy
  4. Humility
  5. Harmony
  6. Giving
  7. Not stealing
  8. Not shaming
  9. Not hurting
  10. Not breaking friendships
  11. Not creating false impressions
  12. Helping others who help you
  13. Not taking revenge
  14. Not insulting
  15. Not shaming
  16. Not lying (unless to create peace)
  17. Not breaking agreements
  18. Not threatening
  19. Helping
  20. Cherishing
  21. Appreciating
  22. Expressing gratitude
  23. Complimenting
  24. Not taking gifts
  25. Giving gifts
  26. Listening
  27. Feeling for another
  28. Boosting another’s moral
  29. Finding another a job
  30. Giving charity discreetly
  31. Comforting
  32. Being humble
  33. Not being arrogant
  34. Not responding in kind
  35. Respecting old people
  36. Respecting and loving your parents
  37. Teaching your children that there is a G-d who loves them and cares for them
  38. Reminding yourself daily that there is a G-d who loves you and cares for you
  39. If you are married, making love to your wife
  40. If you are married supporting your wife
  41. If you are married caring for the medical needs for your wife
  42. If you are married cherishing your wife
  43. If you are married hugging your wife (when allowed to)
  44. If you are married respecting your wife more then you respect yourself
  45. If you are a boss paying people on time
  46. If you are a boss being concerned with the welfare of your employees
  47. If you are a boss taking your employees complaints seriously
  48. If you are a boss giving your employees job security
  49. If you are an employee being loyal to your company
  50. If you are an employee never stealing company time
  51. If you are an employee never using for your own benefit company money
  52. If you are an employee never badmouthing the company to outsiders
  53. If you have a disagreement with someone settling it in a court of law
  54. If you have a disagreement with someone and the court has issued a verdict accepting the verdict and forgiving the other party.
  55. Forgiving people
  56. Seeing the good in others
  57. Privately encouraging people to mend evil ways
  58. Being a role model
  59. If you are a parent thinking about your child’s moral future
  60. Remembering that G-d is always watching you
  61. Cleanliness
  62. Living for higher ideals
  63. Asking G-d for help when you’re in trouble
  64. Abiding by the Biblical laws
  65. Not to insult G-d
  66. Kindness to animals
  67. Not to commit adultery
  68. Not to have homosexual relationships
  69. Not to have sex out of marriage
  70. Kindness to everyone
  71. Not to be viscous
  72. Be gentle
  73. Not to shout especially at women 
  74. Love your neighbor as yourself

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