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A Guide to Marriage for Ladies; Quotes   Rabbi Z. Wineberg   Copyright © 2020 Rabbi Wineberg   All rights reserved.       DEDICATION   To All The Sacred Women Who Wish To Bring G-d (The Shechina – His Presence) To Our World – Which Is The Home   ACKNOWLEDGMENTS   Of Course all of my wisdom comes directly from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Judaism and Chassidus – ultimately G-d, to whom we owe everything.  

• Men don’t understand women and women don’t understand men.

 

• What Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus doesn’t explain is why men and women are different.

 

• The Talmud tells how two men married two women. Both men were influenced by their wives. The good wife turned the average man into a good man and the bad wife turned the average man into a bad man.

 

• This shows the powerful influence a woman can have on a man. And if this was the case thousands of years ago before equality it is magnified a thousand fold now.

 

• Selfless unconditional love is all about you giving, sharing, caring, loving, and never ceasing to love.

 

• If the love is conditional and selfish in nature, then a relationship will be rocky to begin with, and when a person realizes that their wants and needs are not being met they will opt out either through divorce, emotional detachment, criticism, or finding other passions and hobbies.
• If the man is devoted to his mission in life, and the women to hers, and more importantly if they unite in a joint mission, then a genuine selfless love, unconditional in nature, can ensue; however if they are both basically selfish in nature the very foundation of their love is very rocky at best.

 

• It is of such great importance that the woman understand her husband’s mission, and thus try to support it, for then there can be true peace at home.

 

• According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe it is better to have peace than to be right. In other words peace is a greater ideal than truth. Even if you are absolutely right, creating friction is not an ideal, and will only cause your spouse to become distant.

 

• Women often make this mistake as G-d has blessed them with sharp tongues. You can win the battle, but lose the war.

 

• The most common reason men distance themselves in a relationship is because a woman’s tongue has destroyed the harmony and peace (and this includes when she is right.)

 

• Research proves that men go under stress (with some serious heart palpitations) when coming under a woman’s tongues.

 

• The net effect is that they emotionally turn off; they stonewall in order not to repeat the distress (which often causes the women to tongue lash more, but only causes a greater and greater barrier between them).

 

• In 85 percent of marriages the actual problem is that one of the spouses has what I call “dark sunglasses” on. For whatever reason he or she (and most often she) sees everything through a state of fear and anxiety, with the result that the world seems a bad place to live in. This causes her to see negativity in her spouse for the sunglasses are programmed only to see bad.

 

• The world is not actually a bad place; yes there are reasons to fear, but there are countless blessings as well.

 

• G-d doesn’t need our praises, so why are we praising him? The answer is that we need to praise. Why do we need to praise? Because when we are grateful for what we have (particularly to an entity that has given us what we have) we become loving people.

 

• Love works as a reciprocal feeling so when you recognize what G-d has given, you will automatically feel love back. Now you will see a different world, a good world, a world where the good are rewarded or at least a world in where everyone has something.

 

• There are so many countless blessings in this world that we only need to recognize them to be happy people.

 

• Our sages teach: Who is rich? S/he who is happy with what they have.

 

• There are very unhappy wealthy people and very happy poor people.

 

• Research indicates that people who have less are happier than people who have more.

 

• Happiness is about being happy with what you have, “counting your blessings” and has absolutely no connection to what you have.

 

• One of the most trenchant and volatile issues of our time is how men and women relate to one another. After many years of male dominated hierarchies, women are determined to be treated fairly and equally in the workplace, in the classroom, in government, and within the family. Indeed, in all of life.

 

• How we define ourselves as men and women greatly determines who we are and how we live our lives. How we identify with our gender lies at the very core of a person’s essence.

 

• Great is the challenge today for men and women to be inherently honest about their relationships with their particular gender.

 

• There is a mass identity crises a brew: Each gender, in an earnest attempt for equality, has sacrificed its own uniqueness.

 

• Our perception of gender roles has been shaped and distorted by many years of social programming, manipulation, and abuse.

 

• We must recognize that man and women were created by design as two equal beings, yet each with a distinct role to play toward one unified goal.

 

• In order to understand the essential nature of man and woman, we must put aside limited human subjectivity and peer through G-d’s eyes. All human beings, men and women, were created for the same purpose – to fuse body and soul in order to make themselves and their world a better and holy place.

 

• Men and woman have been given different tools with which to fulfill their common goal. Indeed, their physiological, emotional, and psychological differences are as a result of their divergent spiritual mandates as instructed by G-d.

 

• The unity between a man and woman is most profoundly expressed in the framework of a marriage, through which both a man and a woman, each in his or her own way, can achieve the fullest potential for growth by learning to transcend their own individuality.

 

• Man and woman are drawn to each other because they each yearn to connect to the other half, the partner with whom they were originally joined before they were divided into two.

 

• G-d created the human race as one entity and then divided them into two: “A single individual with two faces.” Just as each person is composed of two elements, a body and a soul, which we must learn to fully integrate, man and woman are the two elements of humankind.

 

• Were each of us destined to fulfill exactly the same role in life, there would be no need for so many forms of expression.

 

• Paradoxically through the merging of one’s self with another, a person has the capacity to reach his or her most personal essence, his or her real individuality.

 

• In order to appreciate the harmony between men and women, we must appreciate their sameness in serving G-d.

 

• When men and women humbly recognize and join in their shared purpose, with an understanding that through their sameness, self-actualization of the most personal form will follow, they can develop mutual respect for one another – as true equals.

 

• When they serve only their own needs, there is room for discord between them.

 

• G-d is neither masculine nor feminine, but has two forms of emanation.

 

• For a human being to lead a total life, he or she must have both forms of energy: the power of expression and the power of deliberation, the power of strength and the power of subtlety, the power of giving and the power of receiving.

 

• Man and woman represent two forms of Divine energy; they are the male and female elements of a single soul.

 

• Men are externally orientated while women are Inner Dignity.

 

• The nature of a woman is subtle, not weak. And the nature of man is assertive, not brutish.

 

• Feminine energy is who you are, and masculine energy is what you do.

 

• In general, the man’s primary role is to utilize his aggressive masculine energy to refine the material world, while the woman’s primary role is to utilize her subtle Divine energy to reveal the innate G-dliness in all that exists.

 

• The man gives love, the woman is love.

 

• So the man must access his sensitivity and subtly, while a woman must access her assertion when necessary.

 

• All men and women must be themselves, realizing that G-d has given to each of us unique abilities with which to pursue our goals, and our primary responsibility is to take full advantage of these abilities.

 

• Above all we are ultimately each responsible as a freestanding human being, to G-d and society.

 

• In order to unite forces in a wholesome and constructive fashion, men and women must first learn to appreciate their true selves and their true differences.

 

• Men love winning, it makes them feel really good.

 

• True strength is dignity, it doesn’t holler, it knows that it is good and doesn’t need to tell anybody about it.

 

• A king never had to shout for he had no need to, he could simply talk and everything that he requested would get done. True strength doesn’t need a fancy suit or a fancy car for it holds inner dignity, inner strength, which is precisely the nobility of a woman or the ideal woman.

 

• Many men often cover up their own inherent weaknesses by the perfect suit or materiel surrounding. This is always a sign of an unhealthy self esteem, not a good one.

 

• If you see a man in the latest fashion clothes, wearing the perfect designer sunglasses, run far far away.

 

• If his identity is his clothes, then he in fact has no real true identity.

 

• The voice of conviction to higher ideals is true – not a mask of an inferiority complex.

 

• A true man should have great inner dignity, a bit like a king, in an assertive masculine and good sense.

 

• There are two kind of loves, selfish and selfless; the bad boy may seem attractive, however he is only focused on himself and while you are with him you are simply a trophy, and he’ll exchange you as soon as a better trophy comes along, and you can’t change him, for this is an internal process, which cannot be changed externally.

 

• One of the mistakes most women make is they marry a guy, and then think, “I’ll change him after we are married.” They don’t realize that as the man traditionally had the superior role in marriage, it is like someone getting into a company as an employee thinking “once I am hired I will change the company.”

 

• Women today have been so shortchanged by the sexual revolution.

 

• The rate of divorce amongst the sexual revolution people is at least 60% while in the religious (at least Jewish) community it is about 2% percent.

 

• For a woman, sex is always an emotional commitment of the highest level, for a man it is pleasure at the highest level.

 

• Women today should be strong and not delude themselves that if they have sex with a man before marriage they will get his commitment; it doesn’t work like that.

 

• Men will be far more respectful and desiring of a woman who dates but refuses to have sex before marriage.

 

• A woman who is an easy prize takes away this desire to win her.

 

• A woman who really wants to attract a man should play tough to wed. This will give her, her own dignity, her own morality, make her highly esteemed in her date’s eyes, and lead to a quicker marriage proposal.

 

• The path to the aisle is through abstinence.

 

• Women need to insist on their desire to have children.

 

• Society has foolishly suppressed this wonderful gift of having a child.

 

• Once a women is married she has the definite right to insist on having children.

 

• I have never ever met anyone who regrets having a child, while I have met a lot of people who regret not having more children.

 

• If you realize that the only real joy in this world is through love for your child and giving to them, then you’ll realize, the more the merrier.

 

• Modern society was good at giving us gadgets, but really bad at giving us life fulfilling advice.

 

• Essentially the gadgets are for comfort, however the human soul does not seek comfort, it seeks joy, and joy comes through positive achievements, and there can be no greater achievement than the achievement of having children.

 

• The goal that unites a husband and wife is the goal of having and raising happy, healthy, good children.

 

• Discus your man’s attitude on having children while dating.

 

• The true manner of giving is giving out of concern for the other, selfless unconditional giving.

 

• Women need to eliminate the “bad boy attraction,” for marrying a bad boy will be walking into hell and smiling as you enter.

 

• G-d has given women a sixth sense, this gives the women, sometimes a better understanding of men and human nature, than men themselves have. It is really important for a woman to use this sixth sense when dating.

 

• If you truly realize what eternity means, and realize that now you have a triple union between man-woman and G-d, then you begin to realize how great and holy your marriage really is.

 

• Understanding the holiness and sanctity of the marriage is one of the most important factors in preserving it and working on it.

 

• My suggestion for women is, don’t try to make your guy into a listener; Make your guy into your hero.

 

• Allow him to help you, guide him to do things for you, he will get great satisfaction from doing this and this will build his love for you.

 

• Allow your husband to be a giver, receive graciously, politely, warmly, and with love.

 

• Today’s western society has placed an unreasonable expectation on a couple.

 

• These days a person doesn’t really have a community to call home. Every couple is an island onto themselves, and this places an unnecessary and perhaps impossible strain on a relationship.

 

• Both the guy and the girl resent the “guy talk” and the “girl talk,” for they both want their own kind of talk.

 

• There are many many people who are willing to be your friend (particularly of your own sex,) all you need to do is buy them.

 

• There is nothing better than to have a friend of your own sex to fall back on during some tuff times.

 

• It is also important not to get jealous of your husband’s boyfriends.

 

• Finally and perhaps most importantly you need to work for higher ideals, you should go to synagogue or church, you should embrace new age mysticism / spirituality, a path in life. By forging together meaningfully, you will enter into a threesome bond between you, your spouse, and G-d.

  For more info read KabbalahLove (available on KabbalahLove.org Amazon – Kindle, by – you guessed it… ME : )