The Ten Marriage Principles
The first principle of marriage, as the Jewish sages teach, the Hebrew word for man is Ish and the Herbrew word for woman is Ishah – what both words have in common is aish / fire – if the purpose of getting married is self-gratification, the two egos will create friction, however if the man uses his Godly soul, represented by the letter of God’s name Yud (which is what men are good at, namely spirituality – innovation – hence joy and love) and the women uses her Divine Hebrew letter / soul, which is “hei” which is the quality of women, namely grounding her husband’s spirituality in reality – bearing children and raising them with God’s Torah and Mitzvos, then (and only then) do the two letters of God’s name merge, and unit/y ensues.
As the Rebbe says, it is only natural for people to have different opinions – as such, for unity to ensue – which is the most important quality in a marriage – husband and wife must discus and act in mutual agreement (furthermore, for one party to give in – “meet each other half-way, not only is not a concession, but as it is in fulfillment of God’s will, therefore it is one’s great benefit!)
As the Rebbe says, it is advisable for a couple to at least weekly have a session in Torah study together (this binds them on a soul level.)
It goes without saying, that all the laws of Judaism (such as Taharas Hamishpacha) need meticulously to be followed (without structure, there is disintegration.)
Of-course God’s intent in a marriage (when possible) is to have children – to do so, the couple must realize that children simply copy.
When it comes to intimacy as I write, based on Kabbalah, in “Kabbalah On Marital-Intimacy” it is the man’s role (when appropriate) to both initiate and to cause joy.
We live in a false narrative (caused by radicals) that women are like men – as clearly debunked in “Men Are From Mars, And Women Are From Venus” – the basic desire from women is security, safety, which is provided for, through love and assistance.
Finally as the Rebbe says, if the primary command of God is kindness, how much more so does this apply to those nearest and dearest.