What happened to my heart

According to folklore, to poetry, and to Kabbalah, the heart is where we feel.

 

Coming from a pseudo-scientific observational mechanism where the soul (as it couldn’t be measured) was ignored, an insidious disease denying the very existence of an independent emotional reality (aka “its all in the head”) cropped up – People were treated as if they needed (and actually surgeons did) have lobotomies to fix emotional realities.

 

But now we know as Kabbalah teaches, your mind is where you can think, your heart is what you are feeling.

 

One bright day God revealed my heart to me – before then my awareness was only of my thoughts – this in itself is something, for often we are not even aware of our own thoughts – But from that day on, I was able to perceive the emotions (I think that generally speaking, women are more intuitive and have much greater heart (e.q.) knowledge.)

 

So here are the stages that I was able to discern which I believe (and have confirmed) pretty much occur in everyone.

 

Initially – provided we have physical and emotional security (are not afraid of being attacked on either front) our hearts are open; `(this is in fact the liberal state) in this open state, we consider all people to be friends or victims (of someone else’s wrongdoing, and as we really are in the state of love and “love is blind” hence we refuse to attribute negative motives even to the most heinous killers).

 

They say, a liberal is a white man who hasn’t been stabbed (for that matter, any man.)

 

For once the heart has been stabbed, once a person feels the cruelty of another, once a person sees maliciousness for no other reason but the desire to inflict pain, suddenly the heart must reassess its previous assumptions.

 

First and foremost, the heart is selfish – its desires come not from noble feelings (though it does have naturally compassion) but primarily it is desiring its own interest.

 

So the real reason we love, is not because it is a noble thing to do but by nature a human is a social creature and love is the glue of society.

 

However as it is natural to love, so it is natural to protect oneself from pain (for love is a pleasure desire, and protecting from pain a preservation desire.)

 

So once this instinct of self-preservation kicks in – we disconnect – We paint all of humanity with a negative brush – in our current view as one person (who obviously was suffering from fear and anxiety) told me “People are users and abusers” – A statement many many people who endured maliciousness will “attest” to; (in fact even King David said “I said in my pain, all people are corrupt.”)

 

The question is – is there life after abuse?

 

The answer is two-fold – if the reason why we are shutting down is still present, than there is not – First and foremost we need to get to a place of security – In my own life, I have seen this – One of the best mechanisms and something that helped me personally is the teaching of the Baal Shem Tov “when you see the good in the bad, the bad becomes good” – by realigning reality out of fear and into positivity, by gaining a fundamental sense that you are safe, you can then reconsider, reevaluate, and recreate your paradigm of the world!

 

Secondly, love is actually a choice – as Chassidus / modern Jewish mysticism teaches – love is product of believing something lovable about whom you wish to love – Hence when God says to “love your fellow Jew / man” he is not saying they are lovable, he is saying “I want you to discover a mechanism by which you will choose to love them” – for example “I am really my soul, as is my friend, and hence as all souls are really one life-force only in different bodies, he and I are one.”