Unless we are born into love (as they say, "if you are not a liberal by the time you are twenty you have no heart" – and have then been abused… (as they say "if you are not a conservative by the time your are thirty, you have no head") and finally, then get to a state of calm growth… (hence there are many people who are perfectionists – they are in a a state of constant anxiety – their lives are protection mechanism (for the obvious ramification of abuse – usually unwarranted criticism, is to try to prevent it)