there are three critical ideas – the first is, "to be harsh is to be cruel" (no one has the right) the second is "to be soft, is sometimes appropriate" – in other words, harshness as a rule is evil, but softness is not necessarily kindness – for example, if a drug addict asks you for money (as unfortunately I deeply regret doing) and you from your kindness give it to him and later he overdoses (your kindness was a lack of kindness!) hence as practically all of Kabbalah comes to teach, there is a third path – this is a very complex path, for we humans love simplicity, as we hate to think (my theory is that thinking takes energy – a psychiatrist told me “the brain is an energy hog,” as we spend a full 25% of our energy on thinking, which is why as you know, after thinking for say 45 minutes you get tired, while you can do manual labor much longer (in fact, the difference between geniuses and regular people is not in ability, rather in quickness, as scans show it simply takes more energy for regular people to equate the same equations (hence there is less of an inclination)) so in summary, as we in any event are inherently biased either towards being too soft (when we are in an emotionally loving space, or too hard when we are in an emotionally fearful hence jealous hence spiteful stage) the only way man can achieve the correct approach – to "do what God advises"