the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth o.k. here is the deal, you wish to make someone who will become proud of themselves – in order to do that you a. have to have a someone, b. this someone must feel as they exist independently (for if they are aware of their dependence they have no independence, which is obvious) So God made you with an ego – the ego is the selfish desire to survive – now you may say, “why is that selfish?” – selfish, doesn’t mean bad; it means it is focused on self and the desire to survive is completely self-orientated – O.k. now that you wish to survive, he needs to get you to make your life productive, good, meaningful, compassionate – Well here is the paradox – for if life is about self, than it is not about helping others – and to the direct extent that we are selfish is the exactly opposing extent that we are not selfless – so how do you get a selfish thing to be selfless – So you may say, easy – just give – ah’ – but here is the problem – remember, you had to be made with an ego – so every time you give, this enhances your ego – you can end up being more selfish, by being selfless!! – The solution – don’t see yourself as the master of your destiny rather see yourself as its servant! – in other words, as the Alter Rebbe said to a very giving Jew, “a Jew mustn’t give because his heart tells him to, but because God does” – for in this way as you are submitting your ego (the example of this was Abraham, who was an exceptionally giving person, but as he was completely dedicated to God, when God said to sacrifice his son he went against his natural instincts) so as you are submitting your ego, like the lack of pleasure a slave gets in working, therefore you are capable of both giving as well as not becoming more selfish – the simple equation is, love created selfishness so selfishness should submit to love