marriage is a skill – in all things there is a mechanism – if you understand the subconscious motives you can understand – you see, in marriage it is based on three dynamics – the first is what actually drives a man and woman together (as has been the case from beginning of time) so on a deep spiritual basis, we are two halves of the same soul – there is a positive sense of being in your own soul’s space – however we are not only our soul auras – we are also our egos, and our needs, and our desires – on these levels things also have dynamics – on an ego level, it is an ego boost for a man to have a woman and likewise for a woman to have a man – they both feel a status upgrade – this is why self-respect is important in a marriage for no-one wants to be married to a shlepper (someone lacking dignity, for though it may be subconscious, if one of the reasons is you are looking for an ego boost, it necessitates that the spouse will boost your ego – generally speaking (though obviously it should be much higher reality, nonetheless) looks for a woman, and whatever the specific society considers prominent for a man – then there is needs – the least discussed reality is women need, as one very good psychologist told me, security – this is based on their binah yiseirah (greater intuition, hence more fear) and need we mention some of the male needs, and finally there is wants – wants are very interesting for they vary greatly – there are the instinctual wants, there are the wants that I pickup – best case scenario (if not only; considering the previous factors are completed) discus and see if these wants are compatible