In life we must choose between being selfish (which is concern about myself, often at the expense of others, and sometimes out of delusions of grandeur we believe that others have no right to happiness when we are unhappy, then we become bullies, maliciously attacking people) or idealism; now it’s not that the narcissist doesn’t have ideals, rather it’s that his primary passion is his own self, hence to achieve the state of ideal, we have to, as The Alter Rebbe and all of Kabbalah teaches: despise ourselves, because the narcissist is just the self on steroids