I just understood with the help of the great educator the Piasetzer Tz"l and Hy"d, The Genius of Judaism: You see, a fundamental error in Western culture, which I grew up in, and I’m sure probably in all cultures, is the notion, that somehow children should be good – In truth, it is the obligation of the parents to not manipulate, and certainly shame, but ENCOURAGE children into behavioral patterns that will eternally create Positivity, Decency, Structure, Morality and most importantly Self-discipline