I just realized that as the Zohar teaches there are three rulers, or what I like to refer to, as possible operating systems in man

 

The mind

 

The instincts

 

And the ego

 

Now what is most unique is that we often see certain people being as they are

 

But the way to see a person is not as they are, rather as a reaction to the stimulus creating who they are

 

For example a fearful person is not born fearful

 

Rather that person’s experiences has clouded his vision teaching him or her that there is much to be afraid of, hence that person is anxious, cautious, possibly obnoxious, as a protective mechanism

 

In essence, this is the Avodah work of a husband namely, hamtakas hadinim, to show his wife a new reality, one which she can relax, love, embrace, rejoice in.