I just learned an amazing teaching from the Maaggid, he writes, you don’t fear what you love and you don’t love what you fear – this has a tremendous application in a marriage – for often what happens is, the husband loves the wife but because of this reason, he doesn’t fear her – as my grandmother, quite a character (and somewhat critic) would complain, "why is that men respect the maid more than their wife?" (the answer – because he doesn’t love the maid… – we sort of have this innate fear hence respect) However our sages teach us that a wife has innate fear and this fear causes a lack of joy – it is for this reason it is super-critical for a husband to give his wife much love (as when he shows her love, she will then feel love – woe to the man who forgets)