Eureka Eureka Eureka – OK heard that one from me before, but as God is infinite, hence Eurkahs are too :)

There is a whole field of psychology called Kleinian (based on its founder Melanie Klien) psychology; basically that all anti-social behavior comes from jealousy and its antidote is gratitude

It’s an amazing discovery – never mind that it’s in line with Kabbalah, but most of psychology is actually self-defeating; for if a person discovers, say the causes of their hatred, they haven’t somehow eliminated the hatred, usually in fact, they have exasperated it!

But in Kleinian psychology, the understanding is, jealousy is the problem, and gratitude is the solution!

This of course is also the key to marriage, as John Gottman, one of the foremost researchers on marriage writes, that 80% of divorce comes from (he doesn’t use the word jealously, as he didn’t understand it’s the mechanism he’s describing, as he is more of a practical researcher) that the wife, not being grateful, begins to see problems in her spouse (this is the nature of jealousy, for when a. is unhappy, they begin to see problems in b.; which then allows them to hate and be mean to b. Now in marriage what happens is, it turns the husbands heart away from the wife, who then feels abandoned.)

Now here is the cause of my multiple Eurekas – what is jealousy? Jealously is a form of resentment; What is resentment? Resentment is simply when something unjust or easier to feel; unfair, happens to us!

For example, if you had God-forbid the bank take away your home, there are two possible reactions: the first would be, “well I didn’t make my payments, it is their home;” hence as you don’t feel it was unfair, you don’t hold resentment; but if the bank randomly selected you to take away your home, despite the fact you are making your payments, you no doubt would be livid!

At the heart of your anger, is that an unjustified, hence unfair evil, was perpetrated against you!

So what I have been wondering for a long time – this is really my occupation, as Einstein said, “I am not clever, just highly curious” – is how would gratitude eliminate jealousy?!

And the answer came to me like a bolt of lightning, like a flash of inspiration (just joking, it was while I was eating an orange in my kitchen) when we are grateful, we are reversing the premise, that life is unfair.

When you are saying “Thank-You God” (ironically John Gottman prescribes as the antidote to divorce, that women or men should do what Jewish prayer teaches, namely, be grateful to God for your blessings) so when you thank-God, you are essentially saying, “life not only isn’t unfair, it is a blessing!”

You now remove your resentment!