A letter to a soon to be married groom

The other very practical but very little understood, hence practiced thing, is from the letter I reprinted in the back of my book, where basically the Rebbe says, that all of the advice of the Chachomim and Rebbes on marriage is about taking two opinions and making one.

Very often in marriage, one person – either husband or wife – becomes the dominant driver and the other has to sit in the back seat.

As I am a mediator (got a certificate from a course I did) I think a practical mechanism is at least once a week you need to sit down – and the husband should initiate – and the wife in any event will love to – make a list of those thing you both want – if there are any disagreements, you need to, as the Rebbe says, meet each other half way – so you get half of what you want, she gets half of what she wants.

No words can overstate how important this is, for if one party feels like they are in the back seat, then they begin to resent which leads to all the troubles possible.

Additionally, the Rebbe says you should learn together at least once a week – in your case where you both enjoy learning, try to do as much as possible together, as it very much strengthens the soul bond between husband and wife.

Last but not least, as Dovid Wineberg told me, someone told him before he got married, a wife is not a chavrusah, women are highly sensitive, emotionally fragile, so despite the fact they may seem tuff, put together, they always really need love, which as I write in the suggestions of the sixth chapter of my book from a Rabbi, EVERY DAY BE SURE TO SAY SOMETHING LOVING AND DO SOMETHING LOVING – EVEN A ROSE, CHOCOLATE, SOMETHING THAT LET’S THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM – AND PERHAPS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT, TO SEE / THINK, WHY YOU LOVE THEM, FOR IF THEY CAN SEE ANYTHING, IT’S YOUR HEART!