A Chassidic (Jewish mysticism, based on the teaching of the Tanya) mechanism to overcoming abuse

My brother taught Tanya in Kansas City to one of the preeminent psychiatrists in America – both a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, who worked at the most prestigious center for mental health, Menningers.

He was awestruck by the simple yet accurate truths to heal the soul, spirit, psyche.

Much of Tanya, he said, we have only recently discovered (from a medical vantage.)

So how does Tanya speak about dealing with trauma?

On the surface, for those familiar with Tanya, may be perplexed.

But obviously, chapter 26 which states that it is impossible to be happy if one is lethargic (depressed, sad, atzvus) deals directly with abuse.

You see, why is abuse so bad?

The answer is alluded to in Tanya, by the concept of a open versus a closed heart.

As explained elsewhere in Tanya (and perhaps a foundation in Chassidus) love and fear are the two primary emotions that govern all our thinking, speaking and activity (patterns.)

Love creates an openness and we naturally feel pleasure (as scientists have discovered, that when we love, we release serotonin into the bloodstream (serotonin is a feel good chemical.)

Conversely, fear creates a closed heart (kivvutz in the terminology of Chassidus.) Not only does it close us off from love, but it creates a cascade of chemicals such as adrenaline (which suppresses the immune system and according to studies and as mentioned by a Poilishe Rebbe is the cause of all illnesses – not to mention, a fairly recent 500,000,000 person European study, that all mental disturbances (“illness”) are caused by fear.)

Hence the reason trauma is so bad, is actually understood by the simple analogy of a person walking in a park – suddenly, someone tells him a group of terrorists are randomly shooting – imagine the feeling (in a split second happiness disappears, replaced by the fear adrenaline, as well as continued pumping of the adrenalin, which shuts of the prefrontal rationality and turns on the amygidala nuclei region (the prefrontal lobes are unique in a human where rational objective thinking is processed; the amygdala nuclei region is a small almond size point in the brain linked to the nervous system found in all animals and causes instinctive reactions) causing a person to be focused on a single thing, “survival!) But there is good news, and that is, imagine someone comes (obviously it must be a trustworthy source, say the police etc.) and says, “We caught the terrorists” – now it may take a minute or so to calm down, but you can be normal.

However the very huge problem is, that most of the time when a person’s sense of security has eroded, they find it almost impossible to calm down.

This of course is called PSTD (post traumatic stress disorder) which is why studies show, that girls (I don’t know about boys, as it wasn’t in the study I saw but probably likewise) that were abused in childhood, have a 6X higher level of general anxiety.

In other words, they are living in constant fear, which = adrenaline = survival thinking = constant pain and lack of pleasure.

Now we understand the true reason why trauma is so bad – for the person simply put, is living constantly in a painful versus pleasurable situation.

This is also why there are such strong feelings of resentment (primarily hate, hence desire for vengeance) against the person who caused the trauma (think how you feel only at a buzzing mosquito.)

Hence the Tanya’s advice is to change the current fear based thinking to a secure as well as positive base.

Effectively, more important than the mechanism it provides, is the absolutely true underpinnings of the mechanism – you must see the bad in a good light!

In fact, the Rebbe points out, that three different places in Tanya does the Alter Rebbe speak about how to deal with negative and the highest is, to paraphrase the Baal Shem Tov’s teaching (mentioned I believe in iggeres kodesh) “When you can see good in bad, Hashem will transform the bad to good!”

So now the question is, how do I take something which has destroyed my life, caused me fear – maybe anxiety attacks – even worse, robbed me of my ability to feel pleasure and transform it into a positive?!!

O.k. well let me use an analogy from my own life and we will see how in fact it is our greatest sorrow, our greatest pain, our greatest loss, which is concurrently (lifum tzara agra) our greatest blessing, our greatest future pleasure and our greatest gain!

Thank G-d I grew up very very naive – with love I forged my way through life and though I’m embarrassed at my naiveté, but nonetheless, after already marrying and going on shlichus, as the Rabbi to a small community, what was devastating to me (and of course trauma is all individual feelings) was the vicious personal attacks I got from a member of our board which effectively (as I can see it dispassionately retroactively) was jealous hate. However at that time, my mind couldn’t understand the basis – and that’s the thing with trauma, for it is really the mind that fails to be able to understand; which is why for example, after an antisemitic terrorist attack, Jews always manage to go forward, for we have accustomed ourselves to that reality; but trauma, is similar to what makes a joke a joke, an abnormal reality to the perceiver; and as I heard from one psychologist, “It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.”

But as I look at it in retrospect, it wasn’t the best thing that happened to me; it is and always will remain the single most important turning point in my life.

The reason for this is, as Jung (a student of Freud and a very great psychologist) said, “There is no birth of consciousness expect through pain.”

In the words of the Rebbe in Ve-atah Titzetvah it is only through the crushing of the olive that the juice comes from – in the words of the Medrash, “The Jews are like olives, it is only when you crush them, that the light shines.”

For as you know, there are three primary emotions: chessed, gevurah, tifferes – well, we all understand chessed and gevurah (love and fear) but what exactly is the state of tifferes? The truth is, tifferes is not really an emotion, rather it is what has become a buzz word, E.Q., Emotional Understanding; it is when the brain becomes aware and makes decisions not based on reflexive desire (love or fear) but on a maturity, born from pain.

In simple words, it is the difference between immaturity and maturity, actually life and death – for the brain (this often is a boy brain) that hasn’t been forced to alter its understanding, really is not thinking (as the Alter Rebbe says, like an animal, the emotions, desires (love and fear) peculate up to the mind and the mind is simply a reaction to the person’s desires.)

A human being is meant to create – certainly as Chabad, we have been chosen (whether we like it or not) by Hashem and the Rebbe to be agents of light – now there are two kinds of lights, a light-bulb and a laser beam – and hence in childhood in the state of naïve love we are like a light bulb – cute but not very focused – but after trauma, eventually we become more like a laser beam; so all in all I say, as Yosef Hatzadik said (to paraphrase) “Thank you for my trauma, for it switched my love into fear, but through my deep pain, which of course as Sefer Yetzirah says “Nothing is more pleasurable than pleasure or more painful than pain (basic translation)” hence the ultimate need to learn how to trust Hashem (to feel secure) and the eventual choosing to love again (through the mechanisms of Chassidus) but perhaps most importantly, attaining the level of tifferes which is emotional intelligence (hence much better self-discipline as well as a much better understanding of appropriate emotions.”)

(Many people have received solace from taking my course Kabbalah Love: Life Course http://kabbalahwisdom.org/kabbalah-love-course/ )