Reshis Chochmah – Guide To Marital Intimacy

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As we spoke about in the previous chapters about the sanctification of all the limbs in mans head (i.e. eyes to see only good things etc.) we will now explain the sanctification of the Bris regarding marital intimacy (how to be sanctified and not base). And there are two levels to this, the first – the sanctity of this union, the second – during the actual union. We will not be lengthily in quoting the words of our Rabbis (i.e. from the Talmud etc.) of blessed memory, for the wise man Rabbi Yitzchok Abuhab already quoted them in his Sefer (book) Menoras Hamu-or. And we will rely that one who enquires here will enquire there too, for it is necessary in terms of “to know what to actually do” in many aspects (of this union.) In this chapter we only quote the words of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai (author of the Zohar) of blessed memory, which is spread throughout (the Zohar.)

2) Our holy Torah instructs us “To sanctify ourselves and become special (holy)” and our sages explain this to mean that this holiness (sanctity) refers to the (Mitzvah) of marital intimacy. This is his words in chapter Yediyos Hatumah, Rabbi Binyamin the son of Yefes said, whoever sanctifies himself during marital intimacy – will have male sons. For it is written “You should sanctify yourself and become special (Holy”) and next to that it is written “a woman when she will Tazryah??(and she will give birth to a son,” so we see a connection between a sacred union and the merit of having a son.) Until here are his words.

And similarly writes the Rashbi of blessed memory, as we will quote later regarding the actual time of this union. And similarly it is explained in the Zohar that regarding this it also mentions (in the Torah) “You should be sanctified”. This is his words, come and see, when a person is in the marital union of male and female, and intends to be sanctified as is proper, then he is a complete person, and he is referred to as one with no blemishes (not missing anything.) Therefore (to achieve such a status, to be complete and one) a person must gladden (rejoice) his wife to whatever extant possible, to have her desire to be one with him as well, and both together, should intend for this sacred union; (in other words no one should be forced, both parties should desire to be united together.) And when they are both as one (mind in this) then they are a singular unit in soul and body. In soul – to unite one to the other, that both intend the same union. In body – as we explained, that a person who is not married is like one who is divided (in half) and when a male and female unite then they become a whole body. So we can understand from this, that they are thus one soul and one body and therefore they are considered to be a single person. Then G-d resides in their oneness, and places a holy sprit (spiritual energy) in their oneness. And these (people) are referred to as the children of G-d (a lofty term, for G-d loves unity and harmony) as mentioned. And therefore “You should act in sanctity, for I am sanctified (holy”). (In other words to connect to G-d we act like G-d, sanctified.)

How fortunate are the Jewish people, for they do not place this anywhere else(in foreign G-d’s as will be explained later) but rather in G-d himself, and for this it says “I am holy” (meaning your sanctity delivers you into G-d as G-d is sanctity.) (One intends) to connect to G-d and not a foreign entity.) And therefore “Become sanctified, (in this union) for I am sanctified, the Lord your G-d.” (So by your sanctified union you enter me.) Until here is his words.

3) So from the end of his teaching it is understood, that the Mitzvah (instruction) to be sanctified refers to the union of marital intimacy. And what he explains regarding the act of this union we will explain later in the proper place.

4) And know, according to how much man sanctifies himself at that time, that is to what extant he draws down a holy soul for his son. And so have the Rabbis of the Zohar explained, this is his words, “A man from the house of Levi went”, ‘A man’ refers to the angel Gavriel, as it is written “The man Gavriel that I saw in a vision” etc. ‘From the house of Levi’ – this refers to the Jewish community (also known as Shechinah / Malchus of Atzilus) which comes from the left side (why is malchus the left side??) And he married the daughter of Levi – this refers to the soul. From here we learnt, when the body of a Tzaddik is born into this world, G-d calls the angel Gavriel, and he takes the soul of the Tzaddik from Gan (Eden i.e. heaven) and he places it into the body of the Tzaddik who is born on earth. And he is assigned to protect the soul and guard it. And if you may wonder, that the name of the angel appointed for Tzaddikim is Laylah, and you (the Zohar) says it is Gavriel? This is true, for he comes from the left side, and whoever comes from the left side is called this, (in other words Gavriel is also called Laylah.)

5) “And the man went” – this is Amram; “and he married the daughter of Levi” – this is Yocheved. And a heavenly voice came down saying to him to unite with her, for the time of the redemption of the Jewish people had come near, through the son that would be born to them. And G-d assisted them in this. For we learned, that the Shechinah (a level of G-d’s presence) rests on the bed (of those who have sanctified union) and their desire in their union was to unite with the Shechinah. And thus the Shechinah did not depart from that son that they created. (In other words as their initial intention was to unite with G-d thus G-d remained united with the fruit of the union.) To uphold what is written “You should sanctify yourself and become special (holy”). When a man makes himself sanctified down here (on earth) – G-d sanctifies him in heaven. As they desired the union and connection to the Shechinah (in other words G-dliness) thus the Shechinah attached itself to the fruit of that union.

6) Rabbi Yitzchok said, fortunate are Tzaddikim (righteous Jews) that continually desire to unite with G-d. And just as they unite with him (in their minds, speech, and actions) all the time, similarly he unites with them, and never departs from them. How unfortunate for wicked people, that their desires and attachments are very far from G-d, and not only do they distance themselves from G-d, but they attach themselves to the other side (evil.) Come and see, Amram who attached himself to G-d, Mosheh (Moses) was the fruit of his (union.) Until here are his words necessary for our topic.

Practical Summary: 1. The union between husband and wife can be a, sanctified, intimate, loving, harmonious relationship and thereby they both invite G-d into them. 2. If they do this (primarily through desiring the union with G-d that results from their unity, intimacy, love, and harmony) then a son as righteous as Moses can be born to them for the Shechinah attaches itself to the fruit of their union.

7) Also in the Zohar (on this topic) this is his words, similar to this, every man on earth is made up of heaven and earth. And whoever knows how to sanctify themselves in this world as is proper, when they give birth to a son, they draw down upon him a holy sprit from the source of where all holiness emanates from. And such children are called G-d’s kids. For their body is created in proper sanctity. Therefore he receives a spirit from a very high spiritual location. And this that we learned has been said (previously.) Until here is his words.

And know, that the sanctity of the union is dependent on how well a person knows how to unite with G-d. How well a person knows to attach his emotions to a spiritual entity (for normally people are attracted to physical pleasures (lusts) and desires.) For just as one knows how to remove the physicality of an object and focus on its essential qualities, similarly such a person can know how to remove his mindset from that act being to permeate oneself in the pleasure (physicality) of this world. (In other words just as a person can see a beautiful building and realize that its purpose is to serve as a center for justice and laws i.e. the supreme court or congress etc. Similarly one can realize that this act is not about the pleasure derived but the unity achieved.) For one who desires the pleasure (and this is his intention) in this act, he is similar to an animal, as we discussed in this gate chapter four regarding the importance for man to sanctify himself on earth (raising himself above natural instinctual animal-like existence) and as we explained at length in the gateway of love (for G-d) chapter 10 in the explanation of a teaching of the Rashbi of blessed memory.

And therefore said in this teaching before us, “how fortunate the Tzaddikim are, that they always desire to attach themselves to G-d.” For these Tzaddikim who always desire unity to G-d, also in that time do not depart from G-d (as they are consistent in this desire and they do not allow a physical pleasure to sidetrack them, for example like not allowing the beauty of the exterior walls of the congress or supreme court distract one from the essence of what it is and its significance.) And this was the word (used by the Rashbi) “continually”. And an example of this could be of the intention of why one eats food, as we wrote previously in the earlier chapters, that despite the fact that all of mans limbs benefit (derive pleasure) from the food, mans thoughts (and intentions) is focused heavenward (toward unity with G-d and the sanctity of what he is achieving,) to think about (and understand the) spiritual meaning of the food. (For more of this see Chapter 15 paragraphs 89-91). Similarly regarding the sanctity of the holy union. (In other words a man can easily be like an animal, simply eating or focusing on “Me” or a man can be a special focusing on the purpose of why G-d gave us food to eat (e.g. the energy it produces for good things) and similarly the intention in the marital act can be the love and unity, harmony and souls, produced from the union of husband and wife.)

And what a seeker needs to know in order to remove the Yetzer Hara’s (base drives,) entirely (from this act,) is to think (imagine) that that organ (limb) is just like all other 248 limbs, some of which are external and others are internal. Now before Adam Harishon (Adam, the first man) sinned, it is written regarding him “They were both (standing) naked but had no shame”. And our sages explain in Vayikrah Rabba in the beginning of Parshah Acharie Mois, “Rabbi Levi said in the name of Rabbi Shimon ben Mnasi, the apple (the part in the ankle that juts out) of Adam Harishon’s ankle was brighter then the moon (for he was basically completely united with G-d and just as Moses shined coming down from an intimate union with G-d Almighty for forty days and nights on Mount Sinai similarly Adam’s ankle shown like the moon), how much more so his actual face (shown with a great light.) See there. And similarly it is said in Tikkunim in the beginning, – a garment of light, the jutting part of his ankle was as bright as the light of the moon etc. And certainly his other limbs in similar categories shown even brighter, and there was no lust (from the Yetzer Hara) within them at all, and therefore they were not ashamed (for it would be just like someone is looking at someone else’s face.) What caused the subsequent shame (after they sinned from eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil?) Because of the Ervah, which is the Yetzer Hara that defiled them (so the base instincts that addressed them caused them to realize its shame.) But prior to this this limb was to them like a foot or a hand, now seeing that there is a Mitzvah in the unity of this limb man to woman thus it is just like putting on Teffilin with the left hand or Teffilin of the head on the skull, and just as there is no Yetzer Hara regarding those limbs similarly in this limbs, someone who is doing the Mitzvah of Piraya Vrivyah commanded to Adam Harishon before the sin (thus it is a Mitvah of the Torah) therefore they (the limbs) are all similar and naturally there shouldn’t be a Yatzer Hara in it. And what caused tat there should be a Yetzer Hara in it, and that it should nee to be concealed, and that it should be called Ervah? The sin, for in it the defilement came which is evil, vov and hei, and this descends onto the tip of the limb, and it became course and (the Yetzer Hara) gained control of this limb.

Practical Summary: By imaging oneself as Adam Harishon before the sin when every part of his body was only to unite with G-d i.e. a hand for Teffilin and this limb was only to do a Mitvah of Piryah Vrivyah and there should be no shame attached to it for it is as holy as the hand that wears Teffilin. Through deep meditation cogitation and contemplation on this can remove the lust associated with it entirely.

10) The main reason for Tzaddikim in this world (which probably includes the main reason for the world) is to fix up the sin of Adam Harishon. For Adam Harishon included all the souls (that would ever be born) therefore (it is as if) all of them sinned, and all of them need to rectify
(the sin.) Now the Tzaddikim who unite with G-d in the secret (or method) of thoughts, fix up the secret (or level) of the higher Machashavah (heavenly thought) which was the place that Adam Harishon defiled. As explained in Tikkunim, that Adam sinned in thought, and Chavah in deed, see there. And also see page 113. And through fixing up ones thoughts, which is Yud (a Hebrew letter and symbol) automatically the lower Yud of the Bris is fixed. And the reason for this is, for when mans thoughts are directed sexually, and his heart desires the physical lusts (of fun in the act) then the Yud of the Bris becomes defiled, for then his limb becomes hard?? As it states “do not turn (in desire) to idols.” And become impure through them (as they cause impurity.) And as our sages explained in Parsha Kedoshim, on who looks lustingly at a woman and thinks about her during the day – is defiled (through the forces of the other side planting lustful thoughts in his dreams and then inadvertently having Zera Livatalah) at night. And his impurity comes through the sign of the Bris, which is Yud that includes all of his limbs. And this was the sign of the defilement (of the Bris / Yud) that he brought that the Yetzer Hara (evil desires) should dominate every part of his body, and he removed himself from the spiritual holiness of heaven which is distant from the Yetzer Hara (and thus man) lowered himself into the physical lusts of this world, its abilities, and into sexual fantasies and other sorts of Kelipos (for as said before the act itself is holy, it is the lusts for ones own gratification that makes it a Kelipah (a shell covering over the inner goodness of the act.) For the Kelipah of Znus includes all evil and therefore our sages of blessed memory have stated, that G–d gets more angry from Znus then all of the sins combined. And the reason for this is, for man through this removes himself his limbs and his soul from holiness which is part of G-d so it is an absolute rejection of G-d himself.) This is not the case with other Averios (sins which are much more compartmentalized i.e. the hand etc.)

The only exception to the above (that one places everything into the Yetzer Hara through Znus but not through all other sins) is in eating (non Kosher food) for this to is a sin that defiles mans entire soul, because that impurity (of the non-Kosher food) becomes a physical part of his body (for the body is made up of the food (and drink) that one eats). Now Znus is similar to eating for it is also called in the terminology of “eating” as it sates “She eats and wipes her mouth”. Now when a person connect continually to G-d (in his thoughts) and does not think abut physical lusts that come and go, and is only focused on attaching (uniting) himself with the source of all life G-d, which is the secret of love, that we explained in the Gateway to Love – then his limbs definitely does not get hard (for his intention is unity to G-d and not the lust of the act.) And (such a person) will not come to defilement in any manner (even through dreams.) And then his union (with his wife) will be special (holy.) And it will not be drawn to the side of the Yetzer Hara at all, rather it will be like (it was to) Adam Harishon before the sin (of eating the fruit of the tree). For then the entire intention (in the act) was to do a Mitzvah (with no lusts.) For in doing a Mitzvah man compares to his maker. As the Rashi explained in the teaching that we brought down from Parshas Kedoshim, that just as G-d is special (holy) so to he instructed us to become special (to not be focused on base lusts but rather lofty ideals such as harmony and pleasing another and this is what is meant by holy.) As he explains in the end of the teaching, how fortunate are the Jewish people, Dlo Pkim…??mamash, as it is written, “for I G-d am holy”. Etc. This means, that just as the holy union which is “I am G-d” is called “holy (special)” for it is removed from lusts of the Yetzer Hara, similarly we need to compare to the selfless act (and G-d’s holiness, in other words to see this act in its spiritual context (unity) as opposed to its physical lust) for the main idea of holiness (uniqueness, being special) refers to our holy souls, which come from G-d himself (and therefore we need to be like our Father whom we come from – holy, special, different, unique, sanctified.) And if G-d forbid someone will think (intend) in this act for the lustful silly pleasures, then he draws down his holy spiritual soul into the Yetzer Hara, which is diametrically opposed to G-d’s desire.

Practical Summary: The uniqueness of the Jewish people is in their souls that is part of G-d thus by being special, focusing on the unity of the act instead of the lust for physical pleasure one elevates himself instead of denigrating himself. (It should be mentioned that to intend for something special one need not actually be on that level (in other words while the body may desire physical pleasure) the soul can intend for a spiritual achievement. Thus just like by eating, although the body does receive pleasure and at the same time one can intend that the reason one eats is for a higher spiritual purpose (like on Shabbos) similarly one can intend to create harmony in their relationship and attach to the Shechinah that will come to them (despite the fact that the body receives and intends for physical pleasure.)


11) And for this reason King David of Blessed Memory forewarned, “Do not be like a horse or as a mule that have no understanding” etc. And it is explained in Parshas Kedoshim (there) in the beginning of the teaching, that this verse refers to the marital act. This is his words, Fortunate are the Tzaddikim, that delve deeply into Torah study, and thus know the ways of G-d (or the pathways of G-d), and they sanctify themselves in the Kings sanctity (in his ways), and they are sanctified in everything (they do.) And therefore they draw down a holy spirit from heaven, and therefore their sons are all holy Tzaddikim, and they are referred to as sons of the King (G-d) holy (special) sons. How unfortunate for the wicked people, whom are all arrogant, and they (always) act arrogantly. For this reason they inherent for their sons an arrogant soul from the side of impurity. And as it is written, “you will be defiled in it”; One who desire to become impure – gets defiled. “Do not be like a horse or mule”, these are people who elevate Znus (sexual fantasy) over everything else (hold it in great esteem.) “That have no understanding” people should not act like this, for if they do, it is written here “they do not have understanding” and it is written there “and dogs are arrogant souls (beings) they do not know how to be satisfied, and these are shepherds, they do not know how to understand” this means, if a person goes in this path (of Znus) then they are called “arrogant souls.” How come? Because “they do not know how to understand”. “And they are shepherds” – what does shepherds mean (in this context?) This refers to those (angles) that escort man to Gehinom (hell.) “They do not know how to be satisfied” – as it is written, “The Horseleech?? has two daughter “Give” “Give” (to me”, they say) because they always say “give give” they can never be satisfied (in other words a person who is always focused on taking can never be satisfied for as soon as they receive one thing they already desire another. This applies to the marital act. If it is for one’s pleasure then as soon as one has received the pleasure, he immediately focuses on it again, like a dog chasing his tail in a never ending quest that will never allow the person satisfaction. However if a person is focused on the marital unity and harmony this is easily achieved and the person can feel satisfied.)