10 steps to eliminating anger



The Tzemach Tzeddek and the Arizal (two of the foremost Kabbalists) write, how when in anger, our soul departs.


What is the one force that can turn love into hate – anger.


What is anger?


Anger is my ego telling me that in order to feel as important as I think I am, I must eliminate yours.


That’s why “all things being equal,” I won’t be angry –
but imagine that say I walk into a store and they give everyone chocolate –
but not me!!! –
this would make me angry –
for it is not the penalty (the proof being, if they didn’t give someone else, it may make me sad) rather the blow to my sense of import –
so in essence, anger is vengeance, and in essence, vengeance is about restoring my ego.


However, once we cross the line into anger –
like any addiction, well, we lose our mind –
which is to say we lack proportionality (which is why a drug addict may be a truly sweet person, but will do things they would never consider, had the desire for drugs not been so strong)
and just as we would never shame, embarrass, abuse etc. someone, under normal circumstance,
but in anger, not only will we;
we will do so maliciously.


A worse form of anger, is not individualized but generalized –
this is when in my estimation, “well… I’m the greatest.” –
no better example of this than the wicked queen in snow white –
“mirror, mirror on the wall,” arrogantly daily she proclaimed –
“who is the fairest one of them all?” –
placated that her beauty surpasses all, she could be calm –
smug and maintain her delusional state –
but the moment the mirror exclaimed “snow white” –
it threw her into a rage


This is called jealousy.


Jealousy is not when, say I do something unexpected to you (like in the chocolate example) rather, when (usually due to an inferiority (shame) complex; hence to compensate, we develop a narcissism –
a core belief that we are truly the best! (as this is a temporary relief –
you see, the other big issue is anxiety –
we all hate it –
and the brain will do anything to help you feel calmer, including convince you (such as in denial) that a nonreality, is
(hence as in narsacitic wounding, otherwise called being shamed, and hence fearing a recurrence) we are anxious (for anything we fear causes anxiety)
therefore, now our little brain tries to keep us calm by convincing us –
“while it may be true in the past you were shamed (for the evil you did – for we don’t realize that those who shamed us, themselves were narrsacistic bullies, suffering from narssacitic wounding, as their carefully crafted personas fool the foolish believing eye – an easy manipulated organ) and then we begin, to actually believe the self-protection mechanism.


In summary, when we see ourselves as grand, we begin to resent – like the wicked queen, anyone who we perceive likewise.


This explains the bizarre phenomena of terrorism, antisemitism; for in both there is a group of people (comprised of like-minded, screwed up narscasists) who a. think they are grand, and b. cannot stand others, whom they (perhaps rightfully) see, as truly great.


This of-course explains bullying – someone with a false grandious identity, cannot handle someone who is truly great –
namely who is humble (for as Kabbalah says, those who are “great” are nothing, while those who (consider themselves as) nothing, are truly great.)


So # 1 it is critical to understand that all criticism (which started this cascade to anger etc.) was simply put a jealousy –
Good people never criticize –
can you imagine a loving mother, harshly rebuking? –
love doesn’t criticize –
criticism is simply a form of hate (for the reason mentioned, and yes, even if it comes from a parent, for most parents themselves are victims of theirs.)


# 2 in actual fact, the reason you assume any form of greatness (for we all can potentially be angered) is only because within us there is a demon called ego –
the story is told of the Baal Shem Tov, who once came to a man’s home and this man was shouting at his servant (assistant) and the Baal Shem Tov told him –
“had I not been in your home (hence knowing where I was…) I wouldn’t have recognized you, for when you were shouting, the demon of anger, completely engulfed you.”


You see, behind all desires, is actually a demon –
a spirit that gains when humans indulge –
it is not our soul that enjoys the debased pleasure of supremacy, but as this demon is attached to us, we get this little high –
so if you get shamed, consider yourself fortunate –
for the more humble you are, the happier, nicer, more lovable…


  1. You can also attribute evil to past (even past reincarnation’s) evil, that you have done –
    they say people in India don’t get angry as they believe in karma –
    for it is only injustice that angers;
    but if you can imagine that in a previous lifetime you did the exact same thing (and God is never unjust) hence you won’t seek vengeance.


  1. Another technique is as the Baal Shem Tov states and as Kabbalah tells us, to learn from Josef, “If you can see the good in the bad, the bad turns to good” (for example Josef told his brother – it wasn’t you, but God who sent me to Egypt to save the world)
    furthermore, not only can you replace the negative to a positive,
    but as God will reward you for this –
    as it states, “those who forgive God loves them, like the sun shining at its brightest hour” –
    this moment is a moment for actual infinite blessings (as we see in Josef.)


  1. Forgive – simple enough (though as Deepak Chopra writes – and he has researched that forgiveness actually heals cancer – some people cannot –
    all you need to do to forgive, is imagine that ““if I forgive the person who has insulted me, I am greater than them.”)


  1. It also helps to be happy –
    you see, when we are happy we automatically forgive –
    go have some fun


  1. Do good – for just as when we are happy, we forgive,
    for ultimately emotions are in the little kettle boiling in our heart, and like a soup, if you had lots of sugar, it will taste sweet, even if there is some salt –
    so when you place love in your diet –
    goodness and compassion, it automatically pushes away the negative.


Can you think of another 3


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