Cracking the marriage impasse…. – did I tell you? – I didn’t. – How come? – Well, it’s about time! – I am a marriage mediator – – Now what mediators have discovered (myself included, as our training is in divorce mediation) is that mediation is the key – here is how to have a great marriage! – You see, contrary to the foolishness of psychology which tries to heal the present by dredging the past (which usually only aggravates, exasperates and distances) mediation is healing the present by dealing with it – So if you are in a marriage there are simply two things you need to do – the first is (and this usually applies more to men) imagine you are taking a road trip – now if you wish to have a good road trip you will be, well it’s called considerate – if you ignore the other person’s needs… – very soon they will get grouchy, then they will get angry, (though it may not show) but then they will become verbally abusive (and you will wonder – “but we were having so much fun” – “we???!”) the second thing you need to know, is that the way you make sure you are considerate is that once a week the two of you lovebirds on the life-roadtrip must ask each other – “is there anything you feel we need to address?” – when any of you bring up a sugges firstly you must accept that even if you do not feel this is an important issue they obviously do (remember the roadtrip..) so ideally if you can accommodate, that will make your fellow passenger happy; if you feel differently, see if they can accommodate, and best, see if there is some kind of middle-ground – if you see a fight beginning, flag it – this is how – you hold up your hand and that means this issue gets pushed off – in the meantime start dealing with other issues – next week come back (you see, you cannot compromise in anger)

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Past Light

June 2017
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